Lost
by AnonymousAuthor1993
Summary: Chapter 1: Sonny experiences a heavy blow, which causes her to question everything in her life, including her friends, and even her tv show. Please give me feedback, and tell me how to improve, and if you think I should carry on.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It never seemed real. Any of it. I remember the voices, playing around me; as if it wasn't real life. The voices, and the people owning them were far away, it was like they were on a TV show. The irony behind the thought was overwhelming. I knew that if I'd never signed up for this stupid show I wouldn't be in this situation now. I had nothing.

I heard Marshall calling me back to where I was supposed to be, "Sonny, please. You've got to get out there. I know it's hard.. but the show must go on!". I knew it wasn't fair on him. It was causing him ridiculous amounts of stress, me just sitting here; but what did he expect me to do? I had just lost everything that was important to me, and he just expected me to shrug it off as if my life hadn't just collapsed.

"Marshall.." my voice was croaky, betraying the fact that I was trying to hide. I was breaking down, but I knew I had to find a way to carry on, "How can you just expect me to go straight back out there? I know the show means everything to you, but that was my mother! My mom and my dad! And you just expect me to stand up and say 'Oh well, we've got a show to do'? That's not going to happen! They were my only family, and now they're gone. I'm sorry if you don't think that's enough reason to have a day off."

I could hear the speakers in the background as I walked away from him, "Let's get back to Sooooooo Random", but the second half of the show would be running without me. As I walked through the studio I thought back to 15 minutes before, and how a couple of words had destroyed my life, my job, and everything I knew.

"_Sonny Monroe?" this was a stranger; not someone I'd ever spoken to before, but from the look on her face, I knew it wasn't good news._

"_Yeah. That's me. Umm sorry, I don't wanna keep you waiting, but my mom just went to pick my dad up from the airport, and I haven't seen him for months. Do you think this could wait?"  
"Actually Miss Monroe, that's what I'm here to talk to you about." Her face betrayed nothing as she spoke. How bad could it be? Maybe they got caught speeding and were held up talking to the police._

"_Go for it." She looked at me reproachfully, as if what I'd said had offended her in some way._

"_I'm afraid, on the way back from the airport, a drunk driver ran a red light, and he.. well, to cut to the chase, he hit your parents car."_

"_Oh my God! Where are they? What hospital? I have to see them! Make sure they're alright." I was already walking away from her. I needed to see them for myself._

"_No Miss Monroe. You don't understand. You won't be able to see them."_

"_Well. Why not?" I was still walking; she couldn't stop me from seeing them. They were my parents for Christ's sake!_

"_There were some witnesses to the crash, and they called 911 immediately.. but unfortunately it was a DOA situation." I looked at her in confusion. DOA? I had no idea what that meant._

"_What're you talking about?"_

"_DOA.. Dead on arrival. I'm sorry Sonny. They're gone."_

_I stared at her, unable to respond. How could this have happened? People drove to the airport all the time, this journey shouldn't have been any different to any of the others. But it was. I shouldn't have been rendered an orphan. But I was. _

I stumbled through the parking lot, needing to get out of there. It was only once I'd looked all around me that I realised the car wasn't there. The car was on some road somewhere. The same somewhere where my parents had died. I sank to the floor, sobs making my chest heave. All I wanted to do was throw up, but I knew that, that wouldn't help. I looked up and took deep breaths, fighting off the gag reflex, and that's when I saw him. Chad. He was staring across the parking lot towards me. I stared back, and gave a meek impression of a smile, and he started towards me. I didn't want to have that conversation yet, I wasn't ready; the unrelenting tears were still stinging my face, and I knew with absolute certainty, that I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Heyy, what's going on?" And as he looked at me, I knew I needed to answer him, but I couldn't find the strength. Over and over I just kept mumbling, "They're.. g-gone."

"Who's gone? Sonny, what're you talking about?" As he said this I felt another round of hysteria coming on. He didn't know, of course he didn't, but I felt as if someone had removed the pavement from underneath me, and i was falling, falling, and no one was going to catch me. Chad took my hand and his blue eyes looked into mine, hypnotising me.

"M-my parents." I stammered.

"Where did they go?"

"They.. they urr.. they died. Car crash." I cried, and had to fight the want to vomit again as Chad pulled me into his arms, crushing me. But it was a good feeling. Because of this I knew I was still real, and that there was still someone there to care for me. I knew that I wasn't alone.

"What happened?" His curiosity broke the silence, and I couldn't blame him for asking, but I didn't want to answer his question. After a few seconds of my silence he seemed to understand.

"Not now? That's cool. Maybe you could tell me some other time?" I took a deep breath.

"Some drunk driver ran a red light. Crashed straight in to them. I don't know whether they died straight away, or if they had to suffer. All I know is that they were dead by the time the ambulance got there." I had to stop, even though I needed to carry on. We sat in silence, Chad clearly had no idea of what to say, and I couldn't blame him for that.

"You know what?" I paused, making sure he was listening. "This is my fault." He began to protest, but I carried on. "No, Chad, Shut up, it is. It was my dreams that separated our family, it was me that HAD to be part of 'So Random', and it was me that HAD to have her dad here for her birthday. If I hadn't been so selfish, my family would still be a whole, and we'd probably all be sat up watching a movie back in Wisconsin."

"Sonny, you can't blame yourself for following your dreams. Sure, you didn't have to ask for all of that, but come on. None of it's unreasonable, and of course you'd want your dad with you for your birthday! That's normal Sonny! And as for So Random; when life offers you a dream, so far beyond anything that you'd ever expected, it would had been unreasonable to turn it down. And yes, you're sad, and you definitely have the right to be. But everyone dies sooner or later. Who's to say that staying in Wisconsin would've turned out any different? Maybe it would've still happened, but it different circumstances."

"No Chad, you don't understand! My parents never wanted me to come here! But they supported me because they knew I really wanted it! And I did, but that doesn't excuse my selfishness. This is my punishment for making those I love miserable. They've been taken away."

And I truly believed that it was all my fault. Sitting there in Chad's arms, I thought about everything that had happened to me, and how I'd lost nearly everything near, and dear to me. And all the time we sat there, in the background I could hear the muffled laughter of the studio audience of So Random.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We sat like that for hours. Chad was just holding me tight, showing me that he wouldn't let go of me while I needed him. It was the middle of the night by the time I stopped crying, and only then, was I ready to move.

I moved slowly at first, wondering if it was possible for my limbs to still be working, but of course they were. They worked just as they always had. Nothing felt real anymore, I felt like I was just some sort of puppet; and I didn't really have a choice of what happened to me, that was up to someone else. I had beaten the odds, I had gotten on to 'So Random', but now, I was paying the price. My parents. Dead.

Chad helped me up carefully; he was treating me like something made of glass; easily breakable. But I wasn't! Why should he treat me any differently? I was still a human, with the same old human functions, what was it about crying that people seemed to think was so weak?

"Chad, just get off of me"

"What? I'm just trying to help you.."

"No you're not. You're trying to make sure I don't fall apart. But that's not up to you Chad. You just don't want the public to see you as dating someone broken. Someone who's not perfect. Someone who is not exactly like you. Fine. Whatever, bye Chad." I walked away; he called for me, but I ignored him. I knew that I was being extreme and immature, but whatever it was about human nature that made people ashamed to cry.. well I wasn't immune to it. Chad had seen me at my most vulnerable, at my weakest, and I didn't want a reminder of that. I wanted to run away.

I walked alone, along the street for hours. I had no idea where I was going, or if there was something I was looking for. I just walked. I knew somewhere, someone would probably be looking for me, even though, I was technically old enough to look after myself. But I knew no one would agree with that, they wouldn't see me as stable enough to live on my own. What I did want, was to get away from LA, from my friends, from So Random, but mostly, I wanted to get away from life.

There would be people after me. And I knew that, yet there was nothing I could do to stop them from getting to me. I didn't want to live that life, the one where the kid is sent to live with some random distant relative. And even though this wasn't what I wanted, I couldn't think of any way to make it different.  
As I stood there in the darkness, I realised, that no matter what type of life I had ever wanted to live, I could now only live a strange half life, one without parents. A life without half of myself.  
I started to walk again, thoughts crushing me from every angle. And then I discovered what I needed to do. One flash of headlights, that's all I needed to see what my destiny was. I had to join my parents. The need was enormous; and it was inevitable that I would die someday; so why not today? Why should I live a life that would be strange and foreign for me? When I could just join my parents right now.  
This thought process had only taken a second, and the headlights were still coming towards me. The timing had to be perfect. There could be no time for the driver to react, it had to be quick. The car got closer and closer, and it seemed to be speeding up. I stepped forward just in time to collide with the car.

Bright lights. That was all I could see. My heart leapt with joy, this must be death, right? But why was death so painful? My head, my spine, my ribs. Everything was agony. I thought death was supposed to be peaceful, an end to all unhappiness endured during life, but I guess not.  
It was then that I heard the voices. They were coming through some sort of tunnel, and I couldn't quite hear them properly. I tried to focus in on the voices. It felt strange, as if they were in a different world to me, and I shouldn't be there.  
"By all accounts she shouldn't still be alive." the first voice had focused in, but what this man was saying didn't make any sense, alive? How could I still be alive. Then a new voice joined in, this one much softer.  
"Yes, well the driver is in a state of shock. Two crashes in one night. He had only just been released from the police station after witnessing a lorry running a red light. Killed two people. And now this.." they were talking about my parents. The man who had nearly killed me had seen my parents die; why couldn't he have finished me off? A whole family gone; no one left over to hurt.  
"Mmm. A busy night that's for sure. I wonder what's going to happen to this one?" the first voice was speaking again, and he was talking about me. The reply was slow, the softer voiced female obviously didn't know what to say to him.  
"Well nothing has been decided yet, but it appears she has no immediate family she could go to.. No grandparents, nor aunts or uncles. She'll probably have to go to a foster home. She's got a rough time ahead of her."  
A foster home. I couldn't go to a foster home! I'd lose everything that I had left. A couple of hours ago I would've been happy to leave, but only then did I realise that I needed to stay in L.A. Because if I left, it would be as if they never existed, and that wasn't something I could ever cope with.  
I opened my eyes then, to see who the people speaking about my future were. The first voice appeared to belong to a doctor. He was wearing the green scrubs, and looking over my charts. He looked like a surgeon, which meant I must be in hospital. It smelt like a hospital. I let myself take in the rest of the room to find the owner of the second voice. She was sitting next to my bed, wearing a suit jacket with a watching skirt. She looked worried, and as If she hadn't slept for days. The thought struck me; how long had I been in here?

The two people looked to the machines that I was hooked up to. Something had changed, and I had no idea whether it was good or bad; but the fact that I was awake had to mean something. "She must be waking up," the doctor walked over towards me, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Sonny. Are you with us?" I hadn't tried to talk yet, and I didn't know if I could.

"Mmm," was all I could manage.

After that it was relentless. Both of them hurtled information at me, and I couldn't get a grasp on any of it, and they just wouldn't stop. "Do you remember that you're parents died?" "You have some cracked ribs and a broken leg, and we had to operate on you as soon as you came in to stop the internal bleeding." "I'm afraid you'll have to go to a foster home, the people are lovely, and very experienced with teenagers that have been through a lot of hurt." Why wouldn't they stop? All they were doing was commenting on what was wrong with my life. They could've saved the bother, and said what we were all thinking, _it would've been a lot easier for you if you had died. _But of course, they couldn't say that, no matter how much they wanted to.

I was kept in the hospital for 3 days while the doctors kept an eye on my injuries. I didn't speak to anyone, and I couldn't make eye contact with anybody. I was humiliated. All of the people here knew my private business, and every time someone new came to meet me, they'd tell me how sorry they were. The first time it happened was the reason for my silence to everyone else. "I'm so sorry for your loss," it was some interfering old biddy.

"Why? Were you the one driving the lorry...? I thought not." She'd walked away stunned, and I couldn't believe how rudely I'd acted towards her, but why should she say sorry to me?

On my last day at the hospital, the soft voiced woman- the same one who had been in my hospital when I'd woken up- came to visit me. She told me she was my social worker, and she would be in charge of where I go and where I live until I came of age, "at the age of 18, you will be given control of everything, and you will be allowed to leave your foster family, and live on your own. Now, I've arranged for you to live with a family just outside the centre of L.A. This way, you can carry on with your work at 'So Random'.."

"No. I don't want to work there anymore."

"Look, I understand you're upset, but really, quitting your job won't make things any easier."

"No. I just don't want to act anymore." She started to argue, "and don't bother with your, 'but you LOVE acting' crap. It's too late, I've already quit."

"But Sonny.." She looked at me, and could see that I wasn't going to change my mind on this one, and changed her tactics. "Ok then, there is another foster family, down in the country in the South." I didn't understand this.

"What? But why can't I go to the family in L.A.?"

"Well it's either the South, and no 'So Random', or it's L.A. and you work. Your choice."

Three days later I was packed up, and on my way to the South. And I was dreading it. I didn't know anything about this family, how they lived, whether they were overly religious or they could've been atheists for all I knew. All I knew about them was their names. Peter and Mary Moore, and their three biological children, Lucas, Indie, and Jonah. One big happy family, and they were just about to get an extra person. I wondered whether I'd be accepted or shunned.

My social worker and I walked up the steps towards my new home. It was huge, and I'd never seen anything like it. She put her finger out, and rang the doorbell. My heart was pounding so hard, I was surprised that no one could hear it. It felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.

A woman opened the door, and all the family were standing with her. They were all smiling at me, welcoming me to their home.

Maybe things here wouldn't be so bad after all.

**Hey everyone. Please please review this. I found the last reviews I got very helpful, and I'm always open to advice on how to improve my work!**


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